Dialogue
by Crimson Riddler
Summary: KOTOR 2 oneshot. M!Exile laments the lack of romance, but with the K2 writers on hand, he might just have to be careful what he wishes for...


_A/N: Well, it's midnight and I've got a plot gizka begging to be let out. _

_This is my little rant about a lack of certain elements in K2. Hopefully it will resonate with some of you._

_I know I did a lot of switching between present and past tense, it just seemed natural for different circumstances. I hope it won't affect it too much._

--

"Good fight, Brianna!"

"You too, Rayne. But you don't know my name yet."

"Oh all right, _Handmaiden_..."

"I am worried about you. Your stance, it reflects cruelty and suffering."

Rayne blinked. "Um, Handmaiden, in case you hadn't noticed...I have Light Side Mastery."

"What? Then why...Argh! Visas! Stop it!"

A cackling is heard from the Starboard Dormitory.

"Why did you spare her life, Rayne? I know I'm light-sided, but eliminating my future rival is worth a bit of influence, I'm sure. I knew she was trouble the minute I saw her. You know when we were flying out of Nar Shaddaa, Atton nearly crashed into an asteroid? I'm sure it was her and her vision manipulations."

"Or Atton was just dosed up on juma juice."

"Well, that too, but couldn't you...ground her or something?"

"No point, she just meditates in her room all day anyway."

"Well...whatever. Hey, do you want to know what Atris thinks of you?"

"Like Master Vrook except she's secretly in love with me, right?"

"Um, yeah. How did you know that?"

"Stuffy old Jedi aren't hard to read. So, want to talk about something else?"

"My mother?"

Rayne ceases staring at Handmaiden's chest, and shakes his head vigorously to get that image out of it.

"No, something a little closer to home, if you please."

"My lack of clothing?"

"Getting warmer..."

"Oh, I see. No, sorry, you can't get that from me, try Kreia."

"Whaaat??"

"Ew, not like that. She tells you about your hidden desires for me."

Rayne looks pointedly at Handmaiden. "You really think I want to hear about hidden desires while looking at the weathered, Force-knows how old skin of a manipulative hag?"

"_I heard that, you know."_

Influence lost: Kreia

"Were you listening the entire time?"

"_Yes."_

"I hate this bond..."

Influence lost: Force

"What? How can that happen??"

"_The Force is a fickle thing, my young apprentice. Sometimes it can be somewhat of a, in the language of the fool, 'schutta'."_

"Whatever," Rayne said dejectedly, "Now get out of my head!"

"_Only for so long...cackles"_

"What kind of twisted fate meant I was bonded to that...remembers influence..._wise_, _sagely_ woman?"

"I don't know. Anyway, you're getting no romantic dialogue from me!"

"Okay, see you later then."

"Wait, you're not going to try to get romantic dialogue from Visas, are you?"

"Erm...Lie No, of course not, you and your lack of romantic dialogue and hidden subcurrents of romance that are so hidden nobody can actually see them are the only things that could fill my heart."

"Good! See you later!"

Rayne walks towards the Starboard Dormitory.

"My life for yours."

"Visas, you've already said that about a hundred times, do you _have_ to keep saying it?"

"Of course, it reminds you of the fact that I am your _slave_, who will do _whatever _you ask..."

Rayne's mouth drops open, and flaps for a few seconds.

"No Visas, sorry, but I'm Light Sided. Aside Sadly..."

"Very well. Do you wish to hear about the destruction of my homeworld?"

"Oh, not you too!"

"What is it?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all. I mean, you did just say that you were _mine_ to _do with as I willed_, and now you're telling me that you don't have any romantic dialogue. I'm terrific."

"No, sorry, you have to wait till the end of the game for that."

"Wait, so I go through this entire sorry journey with no romance except Kreia telling me not to mate with you, and then you profess your undying love for me?"

"Yes. It's the same with Handmaiden, but hers is much less romantic." Visas sniffed in the direction of the cargo hold.

Rayne just groans.

"Well, I could tell you about how you're not ready to face my master..."

"Oh, save it for somebody who cares!" Rayne walks out of the dormitory.

Influence lost: Visas

"You know what? I don't care! Why should I care about losing influence with people who not only give me no romance, but also have _no subquests??_"

Influence lost: Romanceable characters

"Well, that's just fine, since _there are none!!_"

Rayne continues ranting and raving And losing Influence all the way to the main hold, where he finds Atton waiting for him.

"You really look like you could use some juma, buddy."

Rayne pauses in mid-shout, and sat down. "Yeah, I really could."

"So, want a game of Pazaak?"

"Is that all you ever think about?"

"No, most of my time is spent think about my _terrible _and_ tragic_ backstory, I just hide it by simultaneously playing Pazaak in my head!"

Rayne looks incredulously at Atton, then shakes his head. "No subquest, I assume?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Hurry up with that juma then."

Atton pouts.

Influence lost: Atton

Rayne's skin begins to turn pallid, and his eyes morph into a sickly yellow.

"I have had _enough _OF _YOU!!"_ Rayne blasts the Influence Loss right out of the air with Force lightning.

"Hey, writers! I just realised something! If you exist, then you're part of the Force. And if you are, then I can easily leech the life out of the lot of you!

"_But if you did that, we wouldn't be able to write any plot, and you would be forever stuck at a point in time!" _a scared disembodied voice says.

"Oh, maybe I wouldn't get you all. Maybe I would just get the _'romance' _writers...of course I might have trouble finding them at first, I might have to go through a few of you before them."

There is silence. Then, suddenly, a disembodied screaming and rushing about could be heard.

"_Mod it! Quickly, MOD IT!!"_

The screaming quickly disappears as Handmaiden came running in. Rayne's face and eyes return to their normal tone and colour as he smiles, anticipating what is to come.

"Rayne! I wanted to talk to you about how weak, yet strong, you make me feel, as if I'm caught in the wake of your destiny!"

"Oh, you're kidding me. Those writers are such cheapos! Still, I guess 'recycled' romantic dialogue is better then none..."

Visas comes running in, and, drowning out Handmaiden for a second, says "I think I could love you, if you gave me the chance!"

Handmaiden, shouting over Visas, manages to say "And that is why we must focus on the mission and stopping Malak!"

Rayne, staring dumbfounded, is able to gasp out "...or not."

Rayne cradles his head in his hands.

"I think we should go press our slimy, mucus-covered lips together in the Cargo Hold!"

And begins to cry.

_Fin._


End file.
